I read an article recently, about the effect 'Parents Who Work' has on children.
I [like many of others I'm thinking], battle on a daily basis, with the guilt that comes alongside working hard and being a parent.
As an online business specifically, trying to build a brand, the face of the business more often than not- is not a true reflection of the mechanics behind it. Of course it isn't, it can't be, [not entirely, despite Instagram trying to fool us all otherwise!]
Theres a certain order that we undertake at the workshop and it happens to be one of my lesser favourites. The bags in question are VERY labour intensive and a logistical nightmare, but they serve a useful purpose for the client and mean that large swathes of PVC and vinyl are saved from landfill.
This particular order, more than any other, keeps me away from my children for longer periods of time than i like.
For ages and ages I felt really guilty about working so hard trying to build Wyatt and Jack. That maybe I should take a more 'normal' job, with hours more fitting for family life.
I don't think this guilt falls just with mothers either- I'm sure fathers feel the burn to just as greater extent...
But then i realised something [whilst swearing at another broken needle, unwound bobbin or unhelpful dispatch company] My kids wouldn't have it any other way!
Both of my children realise [well,I say realise, the 3 year old just repeats 'mummy saves bouncy castles when they die] -that in order to do a job you like doing [because, lets face it, you're gonna spend a LOT of time doing it!] You have to put the hours in and you have to LOVE it. Like, REALLY love it!
Theres a lot of people to thank around me on a daily basis when it comes to support networks. My partner, my parents, extended family, my kids friends' parents, a supportive school, an understanding nursery, but you know what, the people i REALLY want to thank the most [because i definitely don't do it enough...] are my KIDS.
For being a constant source of positivity and keeping me in the present. For pushing me to continue with Wyatt and Jack by asking questions like: 'what about the fabrics mum?! They will just be thrown away!! or 'But you told us never to give up if you believe in something- so you can't!' [i know right?! thats annoying!!]
But most of all for understanding that I wouldn't be the person that i am if i DIDNT do what I'm doing with the bags. Also for rewarding long days with huge cuddles and cups of really badly made tea.
It makes me realise that all the time Ive been feeling guilty, I may have been accidentally instilling a work ethic, giving them an example [of sorts] of what may happen if you really stick to something you want to do.
Ha! Who woulda thought it?! Me, an EXAMPLE!!
Perhaps I'm not such a shit parent after all. Maybe none of us are!